Tuesday, 14 October 2014


Looking at the world though their perspectives made me realize how thankless and selfish we have become, we the so called 'Educated People'. Just a month of internship at an orphanage opened my eyes to the reality we have been denying for no reason.
   There were over fifty children, living in a small house, with not the best location or the view. The faculty had problem providing the children with clean water to drink and good food to eat, but yet, every time we sat with them to have lunch or break fast, they would eat the food as if it was made by the best chef. Where as I, or any one from my circle would make a horrible face or simply say no to that food.
 We, who have the luxury of going to good schools and colleges, have still not develop the respect for academics. We don't study the way we should, and the these children, whose eyes would light up every time they saw us entering from the green gate, would impatiently wait for us in ques in front of their classes. They would hold the pencils with such care, as if they were holding the key to eternal happiness.
 They had never gone to a proper school, the ones who had, dropped out because of financial issue. But still, they showed excellent qualities of an ideal human being, the successful and strong ones. They weren't selfish with the gifts they were given, they would share them with their fellow friends. They played with each other, and played a fair game. They lived together, and bonded better than the families I knew. They weren't genetically related, but yet they laughed and loved each other better than I have ever loved my siblings. They were foster siblings, but yet, the amount of care the reflected in their eyes for each other was phenomenal.
 On Eid-Ul-Fitr, which is one of the most joyous festivals for Muslims, all of the children were given new clothes to wear. And I will never forget the smiles that had dawned on their faces when they wore them, some of them even showed off that they were wearing new clothes. Where as the people I know, complained that the clothes weren't bought from a specific brand, or it wasn't their favorite color.
 When I left my internship, I left feeling so sad but yet so happy. Sad that I wasn't going to spend more time with these amazing children and happy because they taught me one of the most important lessons of my life. When I left, I learned, that no matter how qualified you become or how famous. It doesn't matter if you are billionaire, or broke person. What matters is what sort of person you are from the inside. If you do not have the heart to understand the pain of others, the humanity to sacrifice your happiness and the ability to forgive. Then having a billion in your account is of no good use. No matter how big you get, never forget where you came from. Be thankful to what you have, and learn to share it with the people who live around you. The people, who have given you a place that you can call home. Friends and cousins, who give you company, colleagues with whom you can share you struggles. Most importantly, thank God for blessing you with all, big or small blessings.
                                                                                                -Love Mahal

Wednesday, 1 October 2014

If I close my door, please don't stop knocking.

There are moments in life where you end up on crossroads, the most dreadful turning points of our lives. The point, where every judgment and decision you've ever made, all looks like nothing but a huge mistake. And the worse thing about those times are, that all who claimed to be our friends for life leave us when we need them the most. And the ones who stick around are pushed by us for no apparent reason. These are dark times, that will lead you do things that you never meant to do. We hurt the people around us,  and also end up becoming victims of our own actions.
 I have been on many turning points , I always end up isolating myself, I stop seeing my friends and I quit talking to my family members. I don't have any answers, nor any explanation to this behavior. Makes me wonder if I am mentally alright, or have I lost my mind. People around me say that I have an attitude problem, or their famous line "teenagers like to seek attention this way", and that my fellow relatives is ridiculous.As if the problems we are dealing with aren't enough, someone from our own circle always has this tendency to make our situation far worse. The reason why I wanted to right this down is that we often shut ourselves up ,but that doesn't mean that we don't ever want to be found. Its lonely and its dark, and these times are depressing. and we human, don't have the guts to admit that we need help. We have problems that we can't deal with, some that we are scared and embarrassed to share. So If we shut our doors, and yell to be left alone, don't take our words too seriously. We all need our spaces and time to think, but in these times what we need is a soft gaze and warm embrace to tell us, that this too shall pass. It can be bad grades, relationship problems or more importantly, family conflicts.  Every person alive, no matter how strong they are, want to be reassured, that the most impossible of the situations have a solution. 'So if I close my door, please don't stop knocking' is a thought that lingers in every person's mind who is going through a hard time. And anybody who is reading this, and is struggling with anything, my fellow readers, it will pass. Time never stops, everything good or bad has to eventually pass.

                                                                                                          -Love Mahal

Thursday, 18 September 2014

Should have said yes... or maybe not.

I sat on the empty table in the lawn of my college, far from all the other tables in the area. My friends looked at me, and gave me an expectant look for me to join them, but I ignored it. I took out the novel I was reading, and took out the book mark, and started to read from where I had left it .More like, trying to read. Who was I kidding; reading was at that moment my only escape. If I had been sitting idle, someone would have definitely sat next to me. It was just not someone, it was 'them'
  I had been sitting in that same place, for more than an hour, and every time the door opened, I prayed to god to that it was not them. And thankfully, it wasn't them. But i guess, there is a limit to god accepting your stupid prayers too.
"Why are you sitting alone here, like the loner of the century?" I looked up, and saw Ahad standing over my head. He was smiling, the same childish smile he always wore around. His grey eyes shined with excitement. Crap, he again had some story that he wanted to tell me. I showed him my novel, that was my way of telling him to leave me alone, but it was Ahad, he never took a no from me. Or maybe he just knew, that I would never give him a no. He slid the chair out, making as much noise as he could. He sat and looked at me, making pouts idiotically. I pursed my lips, and sighed. I was about to get back to my reading when he said "Oh c'mon, is your 'Zahir' more important than your best friend?"
"Err, yeah. My 'Zahir'' while showing off the book in his face” is more important than you, it keeps me company, when you ditch me every now and then"
"Awwh, I am sorry for that. You do know that I never do it on purpose, right?" I rolled my eyes at him, and I knew it wasn't his fault. But I missed him, I missed our talks. Him listening to me all the time, I liked how he liked me more than any girl around, and then came Malika, his current girlfriend. I was staring at him, while he blabbered on, and on about how Malika wasn't talking to him. And every time he took her name, it stung me. His voice used to get so soft, every time he mentioned her. That is why I always try to hide, when I see them both, because, I always worry that I might lose it in front of them, more importantly in front of him.
  He still went on, asking about how to make it up to her. And I, as always was giving him ideas. He threw up his hand in defeat, when he didn't know what to do anything. I smiled at him, as warmly as I could. I kept my novel aside, and talked to him. I knew that later I would regret it, but seeing him this way was unbearable to me. While talking to me, I caught Sayma's eye, my other best friend. She looked at me and mouthed 'You are pathetic' and I smiled apologetically because half an hour from now, I would go to her and cry my heart out.
"Wormy, you have got to help me, all right? It's been twenty-five hours, since I last talked to her. And, and in the morning, when I went to greet her she walked pass me as if I was talking to her locker"
"Well, you should do something really special for her"
"Wow, that was such a big help" he stuck his tongue out at me "you know what, you should read less of these novels, This, Paulo person has messed up your head" I hit his head with the back of my novel, which he tried to dodge.
"Let me finish, you impatient idiot." Ahad straightened up, and crossed his hands across his chest and looked straight into my eyes "Don't do that eye thingie, ok?"
"What? I was trying to be attentive"
"Whatever. So what I was thinking was that you are a really good sketcher, right?" he proudly nodded "You should sketch something for her, something that would mean a lot to her." a smile dawned his face and that hurt. You got your idea, now please leave me alone so I can cry, and remind myself of how stupid I am.
"Wormy, you are so brilliant. If you were a guy, I'd hug you."
"You'll never stop being an idiot,no?"
"Nope. Well, I should probably go and start on the sketch, and leave you with your boyfriend aka your book"
"Go away!" he stood up, and was about to leave when I asked him what he'll sketch for her, and I wish I had never asked
"Isn't it obvious? " he smiled and waved goodbye. I held back my tears, when I made sure I saw him go inside the school building, and as soon as he was out my sight I buried my face inside my novel.
"You never stop, do you?" Sayma said while sitting next to me, she wrapped her arms around me in comfort "hey, don't cry" she tried to hush me.
"It is so stupid." my voice sounded so thick.
"I am sorry."
"Sayma, I can't do this anymore. It hurts, I know it’s sad but it does." I looked up to her, at her strained face.
"Then stop, don't do it. You are not obliged to help him every time he gets into a fight with Malika." she said after staying quiet. "Zaina, this was your decision, remember? You were the one who said no when he asked you out.
"Should have said yes...or maybe not" I said in a small voice, wishing she didn't hear me.
"It was the right decision, and you know it." I couldn't argue with her, because I knew she was right. I made the decision, I weighed my answer and I made it. "You don't like seeing him with anybody else, that is the only problem." I looked down, partly because I was ashamed of the truth that ringed so strongly in her words, also because my puffy eyes had started to attract attention towards us. "Zaina, I know it is hard, but you have got to let it go. He wasn't going to wait for you forever, you know he did. For three years, and that is not a short time, and you were the one who pushed him to move one. And now when he has, you have to stand by your decision." I wiped my tears off, and took a deep breath. "Come, let's go somewhere, shop and eat. We can go to the park, and make fun of other people?" I laughed, as much as I dis-liked her complete logical answers, I loved her for being there every time I broke under my own pressure
"I would really like that, making fun of the miserable couples sitting there."
"Yeah, now move you lazy person, we have to get going."
"Ohkay, just let me get my stuff."
"Don't worry about that, I got it for you when you were being all 'I am miss ideas'"
"I love you."
"Shut up and start walking"
"Where are we going by the way, to eat?"
"I don't know, we'll decide once we get going." she said, while grabbing me from my elbow and wheeling me towards the college gate. I looked at her, and wondered, what would I ever do without her? But even then, my mind lingered on his answer isn't it obvious? I am going to sketch her. And I knew, even Sayma couldn't help me out of my miserable mind.
"Lets go to Food and Books. We could eat, and you can check out the latest books too.
"Lets.." I replied, while looking at my shoes.
"It’s okay buddy, you'll get through this and if you don't, I will push, until you are through with this." she said while patting my back
"I know" I said while smiling "That is the only thing that keeps me from going off the edge." And with that, I let go off that sadness that spread inside me. Move on. Have fun, read books and don't think about him. You have to have fun now that is it. I slung my arm around her, and walked towards the café she suggested, my favourite café.

written by: Mahal Khattak

Monday, 23 June 2014

All Those Little Things That Matter

The thing with us is, that we are so focused on each small detail, that we somehow always miss the bigger things. And it’s not even as if all those little things are positive, they are negative. What I don’t understand is, that why do we bury them inside us, lock them up in a deep dark corner. Is it because of our mere pride issues? Or just that we think that the other person will never understand what we say.

Whoever reads this! Please, try to understand, that the person next to you or in front of you is not a mind reader. It’s not possible for them to know exactly, what hurts or what shouldn't have been done. I myself am, a child raised in a marriage, full of confusions and misunderstandings. Because when times get hard, and it feels like that every piece of your relationship is falling apart ,your understanding is the only thing that will get you through that mess. The solution is not walking away from your problems, or filing a separation/divorce. The solution is to find what brought you two together in the first place. and more importantly, at times, its not just two people being affected in chaos, but many; most importantly your children. By giving up on your relationship, or having a relationship with fights and misunderstandings, you break your child's trust and hope for their future lives. I have seen marriages getting broken off, because they are too scared to hold on to them. Their only option is to either finish the relationship, or just not get into one at all.. So anyone who reads it, don't ignore this by thinking that 'Oh look, a child is posting this. what would she know'

I do know,  I have spent years in a troubled environment, and I am telling you how it had affected me. All those parents with young children. please, don't think your actions and words will never affect your children. they may not say anything, or not show any signs of depression, discomfort and trust issues at a young age, but you have no idea, how deeply their souls are wounded by your arguments and fights.
                                                                                                  With Love, Mahal